Challenge accepted admin-sensei! (whoever you are... =.=)

I'll be glad to get some more feedback then one other reviewer had given me!

I found it funny, though I don't know how I feel about Shu's voice. It doesn't really fit at all. I don't think it would have been less funny if it did. Hmmmm..

I agree with Neonie, Shu's voice really didn't seem to fit. It feels like you were really trying to go with a "dark" kind of humor with this, and in my opinion, that doesn't always work well unless you at least have SOMETHING to break up the dark foreboding feeling you get from these kind of jokes. Maybe make at least one or two characters have a more light-hearted type of humor or maybe make a character or two who is happy and cheery all the time.

But beyond just the humor, the editing... could have been better I feel that if you are going to draw in your own lip flaps, then you should at least make them look like they belong there. It's a major visual distraction when they are obviously drawn in with MS Paint (or whatever you used). In the future, if you need to include lip flaps that aren't there in a scene, I would suggest you take them from a similar scene where they would not look out of place or use a different scene that already DOES have lip flaps for you to use. Also, continuing on editing, I understand that in the Abridged community there is ALWAYS an innate need to flip videos in order to avoid copyright. However, I feel as though a major source/chance of humor was lost at the fact that all and I mean ALL of the text and logos were flipped. I don't know if you did this on purpose, but I'm guessing that you put it up, it got taken down, and you put it back up while just flipping it. If this was because you no longer had the project files, then I suggest that you make sure to keep them next time in case this happens again; or you just make sure to flip the source footage before you start editing so that it is legible. It was distracting having to pause to try to read the text on Fyu-Neru(the little robot for those who don't know)'s screen backwards and after awhile I just gave up mostly because it didn't seem like it would be important anyways.

The third thing that I found distracting was the audio in general. As for audio quality, I don't know if it's just because you don't have very good mics, or if it was an audio setting issue; but I won't hold it against you as not everyone has the money for a good microphone. Also, the MAIN problem that I had overall. The audio mixing. There were plenty of scenes where Shu and other characters were both equal distance from the camera or even when Shu was further than other characters, and Shu's voice seemed to boom into my ears the entire scene. It was especially noticeable in the scene where Guin (the guy with the white coat who comes to take away Inori) shows up. Compared to Shu, (who is noticeably further away than Guin from the camera) it sounds like Guin is whispering. It's even more noticeable when the soldiers drag away Inori because their voices sound like they were supposed to be standing right in front of the camera (instead of walking away from it like they actually were).

Overall the script needed a bit more work in my opinion... A lot of the jokes seemed like they were kind of haphazardly thrown together and didn't seem to flow very well in most places. Also, even though this is an abridged series, you could have at least shown how he gets the "Void Genome." If you are watching this without knowing anything about the actual show, or don't remember early parts of it, then it can be kind of confusing as to how it goes from Shu going to save Iori to "swirling vortex of light that makes him able to pull a sword out of her chest" even though I know that it isn't explained in the first episode, but you could have at least shown it beforehand so that people would know that was the "weapon" that Iori stole.

In the end, these are just my opinions on where you need to improve. Do with them what you wish, but I hope that you at least consider them. And as I said in the other thread, this episode seemed rushed overall and I feel you could have done much better especially in the Audio/Video editing.

(Also, this is my first review so please excuse if some of what I said didn't make sense.)

P.S. You might want to give your VAs some more direction and guidance next time. Some of the scenes they seemed unsure of how they were supposed to say some of the lines and sometimes they even said lines like they were confused even thought it seemed like they were supposed to be speaking with conviction. I don't know if this was just due to their inexperience or what it was, but don't be afraid to ask them to re-do lines if they don't come out like you had hoped.

I thought it was alright

one thing that could have helped is some dark background music to create a atmosphere around the dark humor so that it doesn't feel like its dark for the sake of being dark

I thought it was pretty good especially since you're just starting out.
If you're having troubles with editing and have to resort to MS Paint, you might as well make a joke out of it (e.g. use the same scene twice, with and without a mouth). Though that might be more MENT style.

@ d007 well I actually started NAAS way before GCA. The first few episodes wasn't really favoured much by others.